The Soccer Mom

“The Soccer Mom” Sung (somewhat) to “The Piano Man.”

It’s eight o’clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There’s a young mom sitting next to me
Making love to her coffee and tin

soccer mom

She says, “Hun can you splain this game to me
I’m not really sure how it goes
Corner kick with the cleat
Off sides, . . . incomplete
And how do I find my younger kid’s clothes”

203

Sing us a song you’re the soccer mom
Sing us a song this morn
Cause no one’s in the mood for a melody
And your humor is thin and its worn

Now John at concessions is a friend of mine
He gives me my food for a fee
And I’m quick with a joke but he makes me quite broke
Because my kids are constantly hungry
I says, “John, I believe you are killing me”
As the smile runs away from my face
“Well, I’m sure that I could be a rich person
If my kids didn’t eat at this place”

Soccer1
Now Gina is a meal create planner
Whose also a tough marine wife
And she’s talking with Annie, who really needs a nanny
And probably will all her life

And the referee is practicing politics
As the parents argue and scream
Yes they’re living their life vicarious
But it’s better than leaving their dream

soccer4

Sing us a song you’re the soccer mom
Sing us a song this morn
Cause no one’s in the mood for your melody
And you’ve humor is thin and is worn

Soccer2

It’s a horrible crowd for a Saturday
And the other team gives us the bird
‘Cause they know that it’s us that make all the fuss
Cause we forget how to act in a herd
And the soccer field sounds like an arena
And my van it smells like a rear
And they sit in my seats and stuff socks in the cleats
And say “Mom we haven’t eaten all year!”

104

Sing us a song you’re the soccer mom
Sing us a song this morn
Cause no one’s in the mood for your melody
And your humor is thin and is worn

—by Regina Hiney, with apologies to Billy Joel

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